Getting back into the dating scene after being off the market for a while, can be intimidating! If you’ve been through a divorce or heartbreak you may not feel ready for a relationship or opening yourself to someone new.
After a heartbreak, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions because it’s a grieving process. I don’t believe that anyone gets married with the intention of getting divorced. So when it happens, the shock can hit you like a ton of bricks and leaving you feeling paralyzed! There will be a range of phases you must go through before stepping out into the dating scene.
Don’t be scared… Things may have changed since you last dated, but it shouldn’t stop you from dipping your toe in!
Ready for a Relationship?
If you’re asking yourself this question, here are some tips to get you started.
#1: Begin by reconnecting with yourself.
It’s important that you work through your feels and accept them. According to Terri L. Orbuch, PhD, author of Finding Love Again, it’s necessary to “unpack the emotions and feelings connected to the past and adopt an emotionally neutral starting place.” To do so, Dr. Orbuch recommends readers to begin by looking at the relationship objectively, develop ways to release their emotions, and to talk with friends and family. Sharing your experience allows you to give meaning to the end of the relationship for you.
Next, stop blaming yourself and start blaming the relationship itself; flip the negative feels to neutral.
Lastly get rid of anything that stings or reminds you of your ex; it can make moving on and letting go difficult.
#2: Just get out there!
You may be puzzled by where to go or what to do, so think about what really interests you or something you’ve always wanted to do and just never did.
Attend local community events or become active in a meet-up groups to make some new acquaintances who share your interests. The biggest truth behind being ready for a relationship and dating again: All it takes is leaving your home. There is a whole world out there and you never know where you might meet someone new!
#3: Be Confident!
There is nothing more attractive to a man then a woman who loves herself and is confident, so make sure you take the time to neutralize emotions that shake your confidence. Pamper yourself, take the time to do your hair and makeup before leaving the house. Dress in clothes that make you feel great. To project confidence, be sure to stand tall and keep your chin up!
#4: Identify Blind Spots
Lastly, if you’re just really unsure about re-entering the dating scene… Work with a mentor (like me)! I can help you begin to unload your past relationship beliefs and show you the opportunities that are waiting for you. Mentors and coaches are individuals who can prepare you for what to expect, provide you with guidance and build your confidence.
Are You Continually Attracted To The Wrong Person?
Now is the time to check in with yourself and determine whether you’re really and truly ready for a relationship. Although you may tell yourself you’re ready and you want a committed relationship, you need to find out if that is 100% true.
- Finding Love Again by Terri L. Orbuch, PhD, Copyright 2012