I dare you to be totally honest with yourself about this question…

Is sex ever okay on the 1st date?

Opinions abound on this topic. On one hand, there’s the belief that he should “work for it” (or that we should “hold out”) because it’s important to ensure he’s serious about us and that the relationship is going somewhere.

Then there’s another school of thought saying that we should fully embrace our sexuality and that “there’s no walk of shame” or that sex with no attachments is the new order of business.

Basically, the belief goes that if men can sleep around and explore different partners, so can women.

Here’s what I think…

I agree with something my step-dad told me when I was a little girl. It’s a popular saying in Latin culture and it goes, “Nobody wants to read yesterday’s news.”

Meaning, if everyone’s already had a “piece of it”, why would anyone value it? Bottom line: you have to value and respect yourself first before anyone else does.

You can do with your body whatever you want; but have you ever considered how it will affect your self-esteem in the long run? Or, how people will judge you long-term? You may say that you do not care about what other people think, but to some extent, we all do.

Do I think you should “hold the p@55y hostage”, as some would say? No. I’m just saying that sex is one of the pillars for creating intimacy in a long lasting relationship. 

Don’t treat sex like a commodity. Value your assets and invest them where it counts.

But, what about men?

Men have always gotten a “pass” for cavalier sexual behavior, and they’re certainly not judged like women for doing so. But unfortunately in our culture, men and women are not completely equal (yet).

Even when we overcome the equal pay barrier, for example, women and men will never be the same… biologically, at least.

Men are on their own emotional orbit, and how they deal with every day life is different from how women approach their challenges. Men are not going to suddenly become more naturally nurturing, and women aren’t going to become completely masculine overnight.

Having an awareness of our core emotional differences is key to living authentically as a woman and not forcing gender equality through promiscuous sexual behavior.

Society’s awkwardness about sex

I’ve always been amazed by our society’s weird “love / hate” relationship with sex. On one hand, we use sex to sell… everything. But, the moment you want to have a conversation about STDs or sexual history in the dating phase, it’s suddenly taboo.

Which brings me to my final point…

I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but sleeping around with everyone is simply not a good idea. At the very least, it’s not safe. There are real threats out there, and if you don’t want to be exposed to them (ahem, itchy lady parts) you’ve got to be more selective about who’s enjoying your goodies.

In the end, you do whatever you want. If you want to have sex with everyone you meet, just think ahead and ask yourself one question before you take the plunge: How am I going to feel about this tomorrow?

In our society, there’s major FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) all the time, about everything.  If that’s you, and it’s causing you to sleep with half the city to “keep up with the Joneses”, just think of how empty you typically feel after a shopping spree on credit cards.

Here’s what happens… after years of this type of loose sexual behavior, women end up waking up one day bitter, feeling lost, still looking for something meaningful, but they don’t know how to create it with someone without using sex as the catalyst for connection.

Before that happens to you, remember this blog post and take a few minutes right now to decide how you’re going to value your assets from now on, and how you’re going to respect yourself starting today.

So, is it okay to have sex on the first date? I’ve shared my answer; I’d love to hear yours.