How many times have you been on a date, told your friends about it and they immediately laid out the “ground rules” for you? They may have said something like, “Don’t call him first.” …Or, “If 48 hours pass and you don’t hear back, send a text and say hi.” …Or any other dating game nonsense like that?
Shouldn’t dating be as simple as knowing what you want and then going after it?
Yes, it should be. Yet, the “unspoken rules” of dating could have us believe that getting to “happily ever after” is hard and filled with “games.”
There is a dating game going on, but it’s not the one you think. In the real game, you’re completely in control of the rules AND you’re the star player.
The Dating Game: What’s Really Happening…
The dating experiences you’re having (or, the dating “game” you’re playing) are the result of the collection of assumptions you’ve made based on your past experiences.
What does this mean?
Your past experiences have become the frame of reference for how you perceive and interact with the world around you.
Imagine that you were living inside of a room you could never leave (like your body), and the only way to see the outside world was through one single window on the wall (like your eyes). If the window was dirty, the longer you’d stay in the room, the more likely you are to believe the world is dirty, dingy and cloudy. The opposite is also true.
So, if in the past, you’ve had dating situation X, but you perceive and experience situation Y, then you’d most likely believe in the future that once you see pattern X again, it will ALWAYS yield result Y.
The #1 dating mindset shift you need:
Understanding the real breakthrough in the power of perception comes from the concept of realization. That’s when you filter your understanding and your feelings through a lens of discernment to arrive at a real answer. That answer is unique to you AND one that’s congruent with the experience you lived.
The So-Called Dating Game Rulemakers:
How many people giving advice and setting rules for dating have reached their own level of realization?
Not many. I promise you. Most people are distracted with their own “TO DOs” and most likely haven’t taken the time to sit with their thoughts long enough to see the lessons hidden inside each experience.
If you are re-entering the dating scene, or you’re new to this whole thing, it’s important to have clarity on what you desire so it can be clearly communicated in dating. Operating from a collection of assumptions keeps you unhappy and spinning your wheels in the dating game forever because you continue repeating the mistakes that keep you stuck over and again. It’s literally the definition of insanity (Einstein said it, not me)… 🤓
Get rid of all of the “rules” and “right moves” others say you need to “get the one.” That chatter is nothing more than people projecting their own perceptions and experiences onto you, which will ruin your unique dating experience.
THERE’S NO FORMULA. IT’S YOUR GAME.
Wearing short skirts and heels to make an impression when you really enjoy wearing jeans and a T-shirt is the simplest example I can give you. Show up as who you are and don’t aim to make an impression at the surface; aim to leave an impression and an impact on that person’s life.
You don’t need to travel this journey on your own. Allow me to support you and help you leave a lasting impression on your own terms. Let’s chat and discuss how you can have the kind of loving relationship YOU want in your life.